Their Kind of Town?

“I’m so outta here. They forget my contract is up soon too…This wasn’t bad for a while, I didn’t have to do much, I made twice the money I would’ve if I’d taken that front office gig and this might give me a legitamate excuse to retire before they try and expose me for not developing talent. Again. These kids don’t listen anyway, which is exactly why I wanted veterans. They’re hungry, they just need direction, not a damn babysitter. I tried to give Kwame ‘The Joy of Cooking’, something, anything to get the boy to use his damn hands and what does he do? Maybe I shouldn’t have called him a pussy, but who the hell throws cakes at people anyway, is this candid camera? Damn, I’m really dating myself there. Wonder what Red would do in this situation…. Why is Kobe the last to know about Buss’ intentions anyway? I told the whole damn world in my book. That kid should’ve gone to college if only to learn when he’s being manipulated…. I can’t blame Kobe again, can I? Or should I just start discrediting Skiles and Isiah? They aren’t championship coaches, I am….Actually, is there any way we can get Gordon and Deng, then Arenas next summer? Gil would eat this Zen shit up…”




“When Magic demanded a trade, I just fired Westhead…Nah…What was I thinking? Why would I let Jim deem Bynum untouchable and let Kupchack pass on every one of the kid’s suggestions? Who did Davis get traded for again? Speedy Claxton? Damn, that made us look dumb. Or deceitful. Like I was just using the kid to sell tix and avoid the luxury tax by developing young players. Is that what I was trying to do? And how would it have worked anyway if I gave him an option and that damn no trade clause? And where the hell is that waitress with my drink? And didn’t I tell whatshername to get me one too? Doesn’t anyone around here speak English? Spain. Never again….Maybe I actually should trade him. What are our chances of improving to his satisfaction before he can opt out in a couple of years and we get nothing? And he has to know that he tied our hands to negotiate with other teams. Who would trade anything to help a team with a disgruntled superstar, when they could manage their cap over the next two years and possibly sign that superstar? He’s the only player we can trade now, might as well move him while his value’s at it’s peak. This is a good draft, Chicago has that lottery pick and P.J. Brown’s expiring contract. And I do like that Zero Hero, I wonder what he’d want….I wonder if any of these girls can drive a stick….”





“..............Is Sonic open 24/7? I could really use one of those smoothies...........I miss Jerry West, he loved smoothies and he was so nice to me..............You know who else probably likes smoothies? That kid Sebastian Telfair....................Yeah, he’d be a good fit here, maybe that’d get Phil to lighten up a bit..................Gosh, he can be a real jerk when he doesn’t get his way, what did I ever do to him?...........I’ve gotta stop thinking so much, I’m gonna burn myself out...............................................What time is it anyway, am I missing ‘John From Cincinnati’?............I’ve got to learn how to work that damn Tivo...........................Man, this is a pretty good show. I wonder if he’ll heal that boy’s spine next week............. I can’t wait, not much else on TV this summer, makes it tough to find good conversation at the office..........Okay, relax, then smoothies, then Telfair..............Zzzzzz...”




“God, these Finals were a disaster. The kid could’ve at least made it interesting…. Kobe getting traded would restore a balance between the two Conferences and stop all this nonsense about realignment or reseeding. What the hell do they think this is, football? That reminds me, I need to fine Gooden for that neck goatee of his. I can do that right? Damn right I can! Plus LeBron, Wade and Kobe in the same conference would settle all this ‘Next Jordan’ talk unequivocally. All of them battling each other four times a year? It’d certainly give Shaq somehting to talk about for a while, I’m worried about him. Yeah, this is starting to sound good. People might not complain as much about Durant and Oden on so late if they had Chicago v. Miami as an appetizer. Actually, maybe Kobe could fix the Knicks? Nah, not until Isiah’s gone, that would be a disaster…. What am I going to do about him? Chicago is probably best, that Jordan story has legs. Long legs. Money too.... Where’s my phone?”




“That call is coming soon. The pieces I’d have to give up to get K.G. would leave us without a dependable scorer and this team still wouldn’t have a definitive leader where we need it. I love Kevin, but once Gordon is gone, would he carry us through our scoring droughts, which are far too frequent? Would he take over the fourth quarter for us? Or would we have lost all of our youth, maxed out our cap and have not gotten any better where we need to? I’m just not sure about him and Ben certainly isn’t gonna put any points on the board either. I give up our lottery pick, Gordon, Deng, P.J.’s contract, and Duhon and we’ve still got enough to compete. I think that would satisfy L.A. too, besides they’re probably already sizing Arenas up as a replacement anyway. Hinrich, Kobe, Nocioni, Tyrus and Wallace could win the Conference next year if we could pick up a decent sixth man with our mid-level exemption. Cleveland showed what a defensive minded team with an explosive scorer can do. If LeBron had a perimeter game, Cleveland had a real shot in that series. Now it’s our turn. I’m glad we made the hard sell to the kid when he was a free agent. He knows we’re committed and that’ll play big in his decision making. He’d want to be here anyway. It’s the only way he’ll ever truly redeem himself, coming in here and overtly challenging Michael’s legacy. I think he can do it too. This is gonna happen, I can’t believe it. Where’s my phone? I gotta thank Isiah...”