fetish [fet-ish, fee-tish]
-noun
1. a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body; "common male fetishes are breasts, legs, hair, shoes, and underwear"
2. a charm superstitiously believed to embody magical powers [syn: juju]
3. excessive or irrational devotion to some activity; "made a fetish of cleanliness"
Showing posts with label Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lists. Show all posts
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
My 25 Favorite Hip Hop Albums.
Don't know if Straight Bangin' is still tallying numbers, but here's mine anyway. If this was supposed to be a list of the best, then it'd be completely different. But these are my favorites. For now...
25.
"I'm just tryin' to do the opposite of left, as long as there's the opposite of death. You test and I just might bring the opposite of life, until there's no one the opposite of right."
24.
"I lack the necessary tools to help me get right. So take your place as the temporary savior, while I'm lookin' at your face like I'll be tested on it later. I bet you like to fuck, but you love to argue. Poke a hole into my chest and pull my heart through, up to my room for cigarettes and cartoons. Or we can sit right here and try to guard these barstools. I'll take you any way that I can have you. Bring along your ethics, and your issues, and your taboos...."
23.
"Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is. I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis."
22.
"I'm better than your favorite rapper, but it don't take much these days for you to master the mic. Most of these rappers, trapped in the hype. They makin' whole albums, but only half of it's tight. So they never really have an impact on your life. That's why 3:16 was genius..."
21.
"Don't talk about my moms, yo."
20.
"The American Dream, though it seems that it's obtainable, they're pullin' your sleeve, don't believe cause it'll strangle you..."
19.
"Meanwhile, back in Queens-the realness, the foundation-if I die, I couldn't choose a better location. When the slugs penetrate, you feel a burnin' sensation. Gettin' closer to God, in a tight situation..."
18.
"These cats drink champagne and toast death and pain, like slaves on a ship talkin' bout who got the flyest chain."
17.
"Aw shit! Say Starkologist! Starksologist! Fried fish halibut!"
16.
"Me without a lyric, is like a nigga without a beeper..."
15.
"Olympic sponsor of the black glock, gold medalist in the back shot, from the soverign state of the have nots..."
14.
"You need to be more aware of your surroundings. Reality at times is astounding enough to get your heart pounding. It's safe to assume, in all confidence, that I'm one of the illest on the seven continents. You on my dick? Thanks for the compliment. You'll be fucked up by my table of contents..."
13.
"I find it's distressing, there's never no inbetween. We either niggas or kings, we either bitches or queens. This deadly ritual seems immersed in the peverse. Full of short attention spans, short tempers and short skirts. Long barrel automatics released in short bursts. The length of black life is treated with short worth. 'Get yours first. Them other niggas secondary' That type of illin' that be fillin' up the cemetery..."
12.
"...and the crowd goes wild, as if Holyfield has just won the fight. When in actuality, it's only about 3AM, and three niggas done got hauled off in the ambulance. Two niggas done started bustin'. And one nigga done took his shirt off, talkin' bout, 'Now who else wanna fuck wit Hollywood Colt?'"
11.
"....and even after all my logic and my theory, I add a 'muthafucka' so y'all i'gnant niggas hear me..."
10.
"Nigga, I seen it. Like a 27 inch Zenith. Believe it."
9.
"Even if it's jazz, or the quiet storm, I'll hook a beat up, convert it into hip hop form. Write a rhyme in graffitti and every show you see me in deep concentration, cause I'm no comedian..."
8.
"This ain't a movie dog..."
7.
"Whoever said illegal was the easy way out, didn't understand the mechanics and the workings of the underwold. Granted, 9 to 5 is how you survive. I 'aint tryin' to survive, I'm tryin' to live it to the limit and love it alot..."
6.
"Dedicated to babies who came feet first!"
5.
"I got techniques drippin' out my buttcheeks. Sleep on my stomach so I don't fuck up my sheets."
4.
"Now the little shorties say it all of the time, and a whole bunch of niggas throw the word in they rhymes. Yo, I start to flinch, as I try not to say it..."
3.
"Biatch!"
2.
"Not no Parkay, not no margarine. Strictly butter."
1.
"My ryhmin' is a vitamin, held without a capsule. The smooth criminal on beat breaks, never put me in your box if the shit eats tapes. The city never sleeps, full of villains and creeps, that's where I learned to do my hustle, had to scuffle with freaks. I'm a addict for sneakers, twenties of buddha and bitches with beepers. In the streets, I can greet ya, about blunts I'll teach ya. Inhale deep, like the words in my breath. I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death. I lay puzzled as I backtrack to earlier times, nothin's equivalent to the New York state of mind..."
25.
"I'm just tryin' to do the opposite of left, as long as there's the opposite of death. You test and I just might bring the opposite of life, until there's no one the opposite of right."
24.
"I lack the necessary tools to help me get right. So take your place as the temporary savior, while I'm lookin' at your face like I'll be tested on it later. I bet you like to fuck, but you love to argue. Poke a hole into my chest and pull my heart through, up to my room for cigarettes and cartoons. Or we can sit right here and try to guard these barstools. I'll take you any way that I can have you. Bring along your ethics, and your issues, and your taboos...."
23.
"Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is. I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis."
22.
"I'm better than your favorite rapper, but it don't take much these days for you to master the mic. Most of these rappers, trapped in the hype. They makin' whole albums, but only half of it's tight. So they never really have an impact on your life. That's why 3:16 was genius..."
21.
"Don't talk about my moms, yo."
20.
"The American Dream, though it seems that it's obtainable, they're pullin' your sleeve, don't believe cause it'll strangle you..."
19.
"Meanwhile, back in Queens-the realness, the foundation-if I die, I couldn't choose a better location. When the slugs penetrate, you feel a burnin' sensation. Gettin' closer to God, in a tight situation..."
18.
"These cats drink champagne and toast death and pain, like slaves on a ship talkin' bout who got the flyest chain."
17.
"Aw shit! Say Starkologist! Starksologist! Fried fish halibut!"
16.
"Me without a lyric, is like a nigga without a beeper..."
15.
"Olympic sponsor of the black glock, gold medalist in the back shot, from the soverign state of the have nots..."
14.
"You need to be more aware of your surroundings. Reality at times is astounding enough to get your heart pounding. It's safe to assume, in all confidence, that I'm one of the illest on the seven continents. You on my dick? Thanks for the compliment. You'll be fucked up by my table of contents..."
13.
"I find it's distressing, there's never no inbetween. We either niggas or kings, we either bitches or queens. This deadly ritual seems immersed in the peverse. Full of short attention spans, short tempers and short skirts. Long barrel automatics released in short bursts. The length of black life is treated with short worth. 'Get yours first. Them other niggas secondary' That type of illin' that be fillin' up the cemetery..."
12.
"...and the crowd goes wild, as if Holyfield has just won the fight. When in actuality, it's only about 3AM, and three niggas done got hauled off in the ambulance. Two niggas done started bustin'. And one nigga done took his shirt off, talkin' bout, 'Now who else wanna fuck wit Hollywood Colt?'"
11.
"....and even after all my logic and my theory, I add a 'muthafucka' so y'all i'gnant niggas hear me..."
10.
"Nigga, I seen it. Like a 27 inch Zenith. Believe it."
9.
"Even if it's jazz, or the quiet storm, I'll hook a beat up, convert it into hip hop form. Write a rhyme in graffitti and every show you see me in deep concentration, cause I'm no comedian..."
8.
"This ain't a movie dog..."
7.
"Whoever said illegal was the easy way out, didn't understand the mechanics and the workings of the underwold. Granted, 9 to 5 is how you survive. I 'aint tryin' to survive, I'm tryin' to live it to the limit and love it alot..."
6.
"Dedicated to babies who came feet first!"
5.
"I got techniques drippin' out my buttcheeks. Sleep on my stomach so I don't fuck up my sheets."
4.
"Now the little shorties say it all of the time, and a whole bunch of niggas throw the word in they rhymes. Yo, I start to flinch, as I try not to say it..."
3.
"Biatch!"
2.
"Not no Parkay, not no margarine. Strictly butter."
1.
"My ryhmin' is a vitamin, held without a capsule. The smooth criminal on beat breaks, never put me in your box if the shit eats tapes. The city never sleeps, full of villains and creeps, that's where I learned to do my hustle, had to scuffle with freaks. I'm a addict for sneakers, twenties of buddha and bitches with beepers. In the streets, I can greet ya, about blunts I'll teach ya. Inhale deep, like the words in my breath. I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death. I lay puzzled as I backtrack to earlier times, nothin's equivalent to the New York state of mind..."
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Weiden & Kennedy's Greatest Hits.
Nike's top 20 commercials. Enjoy. (I rationed the Jumpman spots since they would've dominated the list, but this one deserves an Honorable Mention. Aren't you glad money stuck with the bald head? Much respek to Jack Ruby for the find.)
20.
19.
18.
17.
16.
15.
14.
13.
12.
11.
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
P.S. I couldn't find the Fun Police. Sorry.
20.
19.
18.
17.
16.
15.
14.
13.
12.
11.
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
P.S. I couldn't find the Fun Police. Sorry.
Friday, January 5, 2007
A Tree Falling In the Forest.
Intros are always difficult since they require a naive confidence to believe that anyone is actually reading. Nevertheless, I continue. If you have no interest in the NBA, you shouldn't. Continue, that is. I love the game in it's current state, and all previous incarnations. While it would be an exaggeration to proclaim this a new golden age, the league is certainly in good hands.
Good time for a top ten list. Best player?
10. Allen Iverson- He's stubborn and unpredictable. But that's half of what's made him the best player, six feet or under, in NBA history. Playing in a weak ass Eastern Conference for almost a decade is the other. I heard something about him being 'indestructible', or 'moving at the speed of thought' too. Something like that. Although it might have been "quick little monkey". Yeah, that was it. Such eloquence.
9. Jason Kidd- He'll turn 34 in March and currently leads his team in rebounds. If it weren't for his suspect shooting, he'd be a top 5 player. If I thought about it long enough, I'd move him up two spots for his wife alone.
8. Yao Ming- He can shoot from outside and from the line. He's an excellent passer and a naturally intelligent player. No, that is not an Chinese stereotype, saying he can quickly calculate statistics or that he knows karate would be an Chinese stereotype. Plus he's massive. If he would assert himself more on the block, no one could move him off his spot on either end of the floor. 25, 15 & 5 are within his reach. Time will tell. (This song is spectacularly awful. John Tesh is somewhere writhing on the floor with something sharp sticking out of his ear...)
7. Kevin Garnett- Sally Struthers should give up on feeding third world orphans, they're so trendy these days. Hook up with Stern and build a "Feed the Children" type campaign to get KG out of Minnesota. Put together commercials of Laettner, Sczerbiak, JR Rider, Olowokandi, Trenton Hassell, Marko Jaric, and Mark Madsen-take a deep breath-and realize that outside of three people (Steph, Spree & Cassell) those are the best teammates this man has had in his entire career. That should break anyone. Oh, and scroll McHale's phone number at the bottom of the screen. So no, he's never won anything. Only came close once. But a guaranteed 20, 10 & 5 along with his quickness, ballhandling skills, outside shot and defensive presence? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeet......
6. Tim Duncan- If David Robinson hadn't been injured when he was, Tim Duncan would have been a Celtic and all of this would be moot. If the voters weren't sheep and Kenyon Martin could shoot, Jason Kidd would have one more MVP and Championship and TD would have one less. If Rasheed Wallace had rotated properly, we would still be talking about TD's massive choke job during the Finals instead of a Spurs title. If KG had TD's teammates, coaching staff and front office, he'd have been just as productive-if not more. All that being said, Tim Duncan is still a fucking beast. His footwork and decision making are impeccable, his defense and competitiveness are underrated and he's still got five good years left in him.
5. Steve Nash-Putting him any lower is disrespectful, but any higher would be naive. He's among the league's most accurate shooters and only Jenna Jameson is a better ballhandler. For 47 feet, he's one of the top 5 point guards of all time. But on the other end of the court he's a goddamn sieve and a liability. I honestly don't understand how a man could be in the midst of a campaign for his third straight MVP and his team still isn't the favorite in his own conference. He's like the bizarro KG, he's put in a situation where he can't help but succeed and when he does he receives more credit that he deserves. He's a humble and interesting guy who's fun to watch, but John Stockton did the same things offensively AND was one of the best defenders to ever play his position. He didn't win one MVP. Tell me the difference.
4. Dirk Nowitzki- Anyone still talking that "Dirk isn't a crunchtime player" mess is an idiot. Yes, he missed a big free throw in Game 3, but he also nailed two big fadeaways over Shaq & Alonzo during the final minutes of Game 5. He's as effective outside as Duncan is on the block. He's just as good a ballhandler as KG, and a better shooter. His defense and rebounding are steadily improving. In three years, anyone still talking that "Larry Bird" mess just might be right.
3. Dwayne Wade - Simply put, I don't respect that championship. Big fucking asterisk. Chris Wallace B.I.G. 97 free throws in six games is just ridiculous. Even Michael Jordan was somewhere laughing at that one. He travels all the time on that spin move. He carries the ball more than anyone too. He's turned flopping into an ad campaign. His perimeter game doesn't exist outside of 18 feet. International play exposed all of this. Twice. And I still can't put him any lower than this. He's as quick as they come, makes great decisions in traffic and the open court and could be All Defense First Team if he were more consistent. Cemented among league leaders in scoring, assists and steals. No one can guard him one on one. He still hasn't won a title though.
(The secret to Flash's superpowers?...)
2. LeBron James- If you put Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley in a blender you'd get LBJ. But a few ingredients are still missing. He's like a flying rhino going to the basket, but he can't make his free throws. He can get his shot off over anyone, but he's a streaky shooter. His court vision is amazing, but he lacks a killer instinct. If the refs called travelling, Brendan Haywood could effectively use a baseline defensively and Agent Zero could make his free throws, Bron may have gone home in the first round. Regardless, he's still figuring things out, and we all trust his judgment. But he's just not there yet. *I'm not lying when I tell you that this is one of the ten best highlight videos you will EVER see on YouTube. Watch it.
1. Kobe Bryant- There have been alot of "if's", "buts", "couldas", "shouldas" & "wouldas" on this list, but that's a big part of critiquing a player. Pulling at strings and seeing what holds together.
In fact, every player on this list has been one bounce of the lottery ball, one bad call, or asshole General Manager away from a completely different legacy. They are all either the beneficiaries or victims of circumstance, and this is more true for Kobe than anyone. "If he didn't have Shaq." "If he didn't snitch on Shaq. " Well he did. And he did. Kobe is still as good an overall post & perimeter player on both sides of floor as there has ever been between two shoes. His imagination and pure will on the court know no boundaries.
Now stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge that he's probably going to get better.
Good time for a top ten list. Best player?
10. Allen Iverson- He's stubborn and unpredictable. But that's half of what's made him the best player, six feet or under, in NBA history. Playing in a weak ass Eastern Conference for almost a decade is the other. I heard something about him being 'indestructible', or 'moving at the speed of thought' too. Something like that. Although it might have been "quick little monkey". Yeah, that was it. Such eloquence.
9. Jason Kidd- He'll turn 34 in March and currently leads his team in rebounds. If it weren't for his suspect shooting, he'd be a top 5 player. If I thought about it long enough, I'd move him up two spots for his wife alone.
8. Yao Ming- He can shoot from outside and from the line. He's an excellent passer and a naturally intelligent player. No, that is not an Chinese stereotype, saying he can quickly calculate statistics or that he knows karate would be an Chinese stereotype. Plus he's massive. If he would assert himself more on the block, no one could move him off his spot on either end of the floor. 25, 15 & 5 are within his reach. Time will tell. (This song is spectacularly awful. John Tesh is somewhere writhing on the floor with something sharp sticking out of his ear...)
7. Kevin Garnett- Sally Struthers should give up on feeding third world orphans, they're so trendy these days. Hook up with Stern and build a "Feed the Children" type campaign to get KG out of Minnesota. Put together commercials of Laettner, Sczerbiak, JR Rider, Olowokandi, Trenton Hassell, Marko Jaric, and Mark Madsen-take a deep breath-and realize that outside of three people (Steph, Spree & Cassell) those are the best teammates this man has had in his entire career. That should break anyone. Oh, and scroll McHale's phone number at the bottom of the screen. So no, he's never won anything. Only came close once. But a guaranteed 20, 10 & 5 along with his quickness, ballhandling skills, outside shot and defensive presence? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeet......
6. Tim Duncan- If David Robinson hadn't been injured when he was, Tim Duncan would have been a Celtic and all of this would be moot. If the voters weren't sheep and Kenyon Martin could shoot, Jason Kidd would have one more MVP and Championship and TD would have one less. If Rasheed Wallace had rotated properly, we would still be talking about TD's massive choke job during the Finals instead of a Spurs title. If KG had TD's teammates, coaching staff and front office, he'd have been just as productive-if not more. All that being said, Tim Duncan is still a fucking beast. His footwork and decision making are impeccable, his defense and competitiveness are underrated and he's still got five good years left in him.
5. Steve Nash-Putting him any lower is disrespectful, but any higher would be naive. He's among the league's most accurate shooters and only Jenna Jameson is a better ballhandler. For 47 feet, he's one of the top 5 point guards of all time. But on the other end of the court he's a goddamn sieve and a liability. I honestly don't understand how a man could be in the midst of a campaign for his third straight MVP and his team still isn't the favorite in his own conference. He's like the bizarro KG, he's put in a situation where he can't help but succeed and when he does he receives more credit that he deserves. He's a humble and interesting guy who's fun to watch, but John Stockton did the same things offensively AND was one of the best defenders to ever play his position. He didn't win one MVP. Tell me the difference.
4. Dirk Nowitzki- Anyone still talking that "Dirk isn't a crunchtime player" mess is an idiot. Yes, he missed a big free throw in Game 3, but he also nailed two big fadeaways over Shaq & Alonzo during the final minutes of Game 5. He's as effective outside as Duncan is on the block. He's just as good a ballhandler as KG, and a better shooter. His defense and rebounding are steadily improving. In three years, anyone still talking that "Larry Bird" mess just might be right.
3. Dwayne Wade - Simply put, I don't respect that championship. Big fucking asterisk. Chris Wallace B.I.G. 97 free throws in six games is just ridiculous. Even Michael Jordan was somewhere laughing at that one. He travels all the time on that spin move. He carries the ball more than anyone too. He's turned flopping into an ad campaign. His perimeter game doesn't exist outside of 18 feet. International play exposed all of this. Twice. And I still can't put him any lower than this. He's as quick as they come, makes great decisions in traffic and the open court and could be All Defense First Team if he were more consistent. Cemented among league leaders in scoring, assists and steals. No one can guard him one on one. He still hasn't won a title though.
(The secret to Flash's superpowers?...)
2. LeBron James- If you put Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley in a blender you'd get LBJ. But a few ingredients are still missing. He's like a flying rhino going to the basket, but he can't make his free throws. He can get his shot off over anyone, but he's a streaky shooter. His court vision is amazing, but he lacks a killer instinct. If the refs called travelling, Brendan Haywood could effectively use a baseline defensively and Agent Zero could make his free throws, Bron may have gone home in the first round. Regardless, he's still figuring things out, and we all trust his judgment. But he's just not there yet. *I'm not lying when I tell you that this is one of the ten best highlight videos you will EVER see on YouTube. Watch it.
1. Kobe Bryant- There have been alot of "if's", "buts", "couldas", "shouldas" & "wouldas" on this list, but that's a big part of critiquing a player. Pulling at strings and seeing what holds together.
In fact, every player on this list has been one bounce of the lottery ball, one bad call, or asshole General Manager away from a completely different legacy. They are all either the beneficiaries or victims of circumstance, and this is more true for Kobe than anyone. "If he didn't have Shaq." "If he didn't snitch on Shaq. " Well he did. And he did. Kobe is still as good an overall post & perimeter player on both sides of floor as there has ever been between two shoes. His imagination and pure will on the court know no boundaries.
Now stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge that he's probably going to get better.
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